I attended a big family wedding this past week.
It was a wonderful event, with many different families, step-families and in-laws all gathered together to celebrate.
The bridesmaids and the groomsmen were a diverse collection of dear friends.
Even though they all shared the same fancy gowns or tuxedos,
it was striking how different they all looked from each other:
from the whitest natural blonde to the blackest black hair, from pale to dark skin, short, tall, heavy, thin and everything in-between.
But what was really striking wasthe clear resemblance among the biological relatives!
Even a stranger could have picked out who might be related to who, from the youngest cousin to the oldest grandparent.
Each family had similarities among themselves that were passed from generation to generation:
the blue-eyed brunettes, the brown-eyed redheads, the tall and lanky, the short and sturdy, the shape of the noses or mouths.
It was very easy to tell who were sisters and who were sisters-in-law!
I’m sure you’ve noticed the same thing in your own family,
we all love to comment: she’s got her father’s eyes, he looks like his uncle, I look like my mother.
But I’m sure you’ve also noticed that you are proud of something you’ve inherited from past generations
(your big brown eyes or your thick curly hair for example)
and complain about something else (your boobs or your thighs for example).
Here’s an interesting question:
Why should one trait, passed down from all of the generations that came before you, be valued,
and another trait be such a source of dismay?
In all truth, we have no choice in the matter;
We can’t wake up tomorrow morning and be any taller than our bodies are programmed to be.
We can color our hair, but the roots will always tell the truth.
We can have plastic surgery to “fix” our nose or increase our breast size,
but our grandchildren may end up with the exact same nose or bust we’ve tried to change.
We can complain all day, every day about our hips, follow strict exercise routines and even stricter diets,
but if our ancestors were wide-hipped and curvy, then so are we!
What if we stopped complaining about the bodies we’ve inherited and simply embraced every aspect of who we are? What if we stopped complaining about the “lucky” ones who got the “good genes” and realized how lucky we are too?
We are the great-great-great-grandchildren of the women who gave us these hips, these thighs, this shape.
Let’s thank them in our hearts and remember them with gratitude,
instead of wishing they had given us some other, different body.
Let’s hope that our great-great-great-grandchildren will know to thank us too.
• The school year is coming up soon,
so I’ve been getting ready for my new classes.
• My garden is overflowing, so I’ve been preserving & pickling.
• I’ve got a big pile of pretty new fabric, so I’ve been sewing some new things.
• My dear friend is starting a business, so I have been helping her out.
• People drop over, so I cook and visit and hang out.
• It’s hot and it’s August, so I’ve been sitting outdoors in the shade with a gin & tonic .
• Every now & then I squeeze in some drawing and writing.
• And then there’s my family…(they are not really last on the list BTW!)
I think you get the picture:
I’m busy and I’m not get any formal exercise (even though I pay for a gym membership!) And I feel guilty about it…
This sort of ties in with the whole perfection thing many women struggle with:
On top of all the appearance pressures (thin! pretty! stylish! young-looking! fit!)
we think we should be able to do everything all the time,
and then think we should be doing even more…
I know that running around like a chicken with her head cut off isn’t the same as
going to the gym or yoga class or walking around the track,
but shouldn’t we get some credit for leading an active, busy life?
I’m saying this to myself as much as I am to you:
Give yourself credit for all the things you accomplish every day,
and stop feeling guilty that you aren’t doing even more.
Talk to me! Do you do this too:
Get a zillion things done everyday, and then expect to do even more?
Lead a very active life, and then feel bad if you don’t “exercise”?
One of the many pleasures of summer time is being outdoors,
at parks, at the beach, at concerts, or anywhere that people gather to relax and spend time with each other.
I love people watching;
as an artist I am endlessly fascinated by the variety of forms that we come in.
For me, watching people is like a stroll in a flower garden or finding seashells at the beach:
I like the ones just beginning to bud as much as the blooms gone to seed,
the shiny gloss of a polished shell is no more amazing than one faded and worn by the tides.
Here are a few sketches of women I’ve observed
while sitting on a park bench, or attending an outdoor concert.
These are not the usual women on the cover of a typical magazine.
These are the women we see when we look around us!
Many would not considered “beautiful” in the narrow way we’ve come to define it,
and yet each of these women is incredibly amazing in her own way.
Look around you and notice: No matter what shape we are in, we are in the shape of women!
Two friends, in their 20’s, waiting in line for the ladies’ room.
Each so adorably similar in their fashion choices: short patterned sundresses, big soft bags, flip-flops, long hair casually tied back, one with a tattoo on her shoulder blade, one with a tattoo on her calf.
They were talking non-stop the entire time they stood in line!
A young mother with a sleeping baby in her arms,
and a middle-aged woman standing in line.
Each woman is at a different place in her life,
one with a new baby and the challenges of care-taking,
and perhaps the other with her family grown and different challenges in their place.
A young woman helps her grandmother enjoy a walk.
The love on each others’ faces as they made slow progress across the park was so visible, and so touching.
They were laughing hysterically about some crazy story.
Was it husbands, boyfriends, children, someone at work?
Whatever it was, it made me want to sit down and find out!
Perhaps you’ve seen someone similar this summer, or maybe one of these women looks like you!
There is the world we see through media images: photos, TV, movies, ads.
And then there is the world we actually live in.
Stop comparing everyone to models and stars, and take a minute to really see the women in your world.
Be amazed at the differences, the variety, the interesting way we all look.
“Real women” are who we are, and who we should celebrate!
I discovered apple-shaped & pear-shaped bodies in a teen magazine
when I was about eleven years old.
At the time, I was shaped like a string bean, straight and round, and I hadn’t really thought much about my future body.
Like most girls, I was very curious about growing up, so I read the article with deep interest.
The magazine offered helpful tips for choosing the right clothes for your shape.
I was a bit confused as I read.
The glamorous older girls who modeled the clothes didn’t look like pears or apples at all!
But what really bothered me about this new information was that both shapes
seemed to have terrible problems I had never considered before:
Pears had big thighs to cover up!
Apples had a round belly to hide!
Suddenly, I began to worry about the shape of my body.
Could I be please, please, PLEASE be lucky enough to become Barbie-shaped?
Or was I doomed to be a dreaded Apple or Pear?
And what if I didn’t have the right clothes to disguise my “problem areas”?
Growing up didn’t seem like it was going to be as much fun as I had hoped…
We are truly grown up when we understand
that the round bellies of “Apples” and the full thighs of “Pears”
are not problems at all, and there is nothing to disguise. In all of our wonderful variety, we are shaped like women!
some more thoughts about growing up and learning to dislike our shapes…
What have we done as a culture when girls as young as 5 or 6 years old
begin to worry about the size and shape of their bodies?
A recent study by researcher Abigail Natenshon found that as early as first grade, children are reporting concerns about their weight and body shape. A U.S. Dept of Health and Human services task force reports that 80% of girls in grades 3-6 have bad feelings about their bodies, an issue diverting attention from schoolwork and friendships. 80%! read the full article here
What have we done as a culture when our visual role models are thinner than 98% of the population?
We are so influenced by a lifetime of TV, movies, magazines and ads featuring Thin! Thinner! Thinnest!
that the majority of us feel that our bodies are the wrong size or shape or color or age.
Now, I must admit, this illustration of Ms. Apple and Ms. Pear may be a bit silly for such serious topics
as negative body image, self-esteem and eating disorders,
but my goal as an artist is quite simple:
Maybe I can help heal with a smile.
So here they are, women actually celebrating their shapes,
in the most outrageous, happy Carnival like fashion I could think of.
What shape are you celebrating? And if you aren’t celebrating, why not?
PS: Have some fun designing clothes for Ms. Apple & Ms. Pear!
I am giving away printable versions of Ms. Apple & Ms. Pear,
along with a guide to basic clothing shapes to help you sketch.
revolution: a dramatic and wide reaching change in the way something works or is organized, or in people’s ideas about it.
There is a groundswell of women worldwide who are fed up with the marketing that trains us, from little girls onward, to hate our bodies.
We are tired of feeling like
How many of you spend every single day rushing around trying to get everything finished?
The housework, the yardwork, the shopping, the cooking, the organizing, plus if you have children or pets…
all the extra work that goes into caring for them!
And some of you might even have to take work home
In my 20 years of teaching high school, it has been my experience that the majority of girls
hate the bodies they were born with.
Fat girls, skinny girls, smart girls, talented girls and girls of different backgrounds all talk obsessively about their weight,
complain constantly about their size, tease each other and
I just love the term “queen size”.
It has so many more possible meanings than “plus size”, or “women’s department” or “xxl” or any of the other names for large clothing sizes.
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