More to Love vs. More to Love

Love Story
Love knows all sizes.
from “More to Love”
© copyright elizabeth patch, all rights reserved

Tuesday night “More to Love” premiered on Fox network, something I had been anticipating as soon as I found out that there was going to be a TV show with the exact same name as my illustrated book More to Love.

I’ve been struggling with what to “officially” say about my impressions of the show, so have been reading some of the 86,556 blog posts and reviews that Google lists (as of this morning) to get a feeling what others are saying…Its been overwhelming to say the least!

Fox network is a huge international corporation, with thousands of employees, an enormous operating budget, and is of course, one of the largest players in the very business of publicity and promotion.
With the majority of people now larger than the recommended BMI (read here why BMI is a false indicator of health), the topic of body fat is one that most people can personally identify with. Whatever the producers of More to Love have to say about why they created a reality dating show for “real women”, the demographics of finding an audience is in their favor.

I am an “indie” author/illustrator who still works full time as a high school teacher, without any budget for publicity or promotion.
Like many women I have been personally affected by eating disorders related to body image.
In my free time I am trying to make a small contribution to healing some of the negative emotions about body-size and self-esteem, with a light-hearted, gentle, and yes, I’ll admit it, cute approach.
My “More to Love” and Fox’s “More to Love” are obviously not in the same league!

The very topics of body size, fat, and self-esteem are difficult and complex,
loaded with intense emotions, socio-economic implications, cultural meanings, health concerns, private despair and public discrimination.
Bringing up these topics in conversation is like hitting a hornet’s nest with a stick!
It may well be as dangerously controversial as talking about politics or religion.
As someone who follows these topics I know how passionate the debate can be, and how very deep those passions run.

What I wasn’t prepared for was the fat bashing, mocking and outright hatred expressed in the comments that I read on some of the posts. It made me feel physically ill reading some of the negativity people are expressing, not towards the show, but towards fat people in general.

At this very moment, there is a conference in Washington, DC with NAAFA (National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance) and ASDAH (Association for Size Diversity and Health) addressing issues of size discrimination, health care and research, and public policy for people of all sizes. I know that each of the members of these associations (myself included) are committed to trying to change the culture from “shame & blame” to “accept & respect”.

So now, after all of this rambling, here are my observations:

1. It is so wonderful to see a full range of body types/sizes instead of just the thin/athletic types that populate all of the media. These are the women we all know, go to work with, have in our families (OK, maybe without those fabulous dresses, shoes and makeup!)
I am old enough to remember being astonished at seeing African-American and Asian characters on Star Trek as a kid. I hadn’t realized up until that point, that the variety of people I knew at school, or saw out in the world of adults were completely invisible on TV.
As a totally visual person (I am an artist after all) just seeing those actors on Star Trek literally opened my eyes. I hope that seeing these beautiful women on More to Love will open the eyes of at least a few people who only accept the idea that thin = desirable.

2. It is disappointing that there are no African American women on the show.
And why are only “curvy” women paired with a “husky hunk”?
At least in NY, where I live, and in my own family and group of friends, we mix it up a bit!
The heart is a mysterious thing, and love is often blind to color, religion, ethnicity, size, shape, age.
Perhaps Fox felt that featuring BBW (Big Beautiful Women) was challenge enough…

3. Too much crying
We all know that “reality” shows are heavily edited to emphasize emotional drama, even where none exists. And there certainly is a lot of drama if you pit 20 single women against each other to attract 1 guy! The pain of rejection because of weight/size is so heart-breaking and touching , but too much crying turns empathy into pity, and these young, beautiful women don’t need pity!
I hope future episodes are edited to show other sides of their personalities.
To be truly “ground-breaking” let’s see if big girls can do something other than cry.

4. Height/Weight Stats?!
Maybe this would be necessary if you were picking your Fantasy Football team…
The weight of the women on the”regular” Bachelor was a mystery, so why do this now?
It simply brings to focus back on weight, not on the whole person.
Since we only see short clips of each of the women, why not list hobbies, occupation, where they are from?

5. Don’t take away the ring!
Give a girl a promise ring, and then take it back: NOT cool!
In real life, if a guy gives you a ring, NO woman I know is going to give it back when the relationship doesn’t work out!
Unless of course she (OK , me!) throws it at him…

And finally, I am not a contact person for the FOX version of More to Love.
but I do encourage your comments…

You can see 10 fully illustrated pages from my More to Love here.

I do have one very cool coincidence that connects me to the show:
The host, Emme, gave me some very valuable encouragement for developing my book idea back in its early stages!
I initially sketched out and wrote More to Love shortly after one of my students died from anorexia, over 10 years ago. But I was raising a family as a single mom and working full-time as a teacher, so I put More to Love into a box up in the attic.
About 5 years ago, Emme came to speak to an assembly at the high school where I teach. I approached her after the assembly, and told her about my book idea.
She was gracious enough to allow me to send it to her, and even more surprising,
took time out of her busy schedule to talk to me over the phone about it!
It took me several more years find time to revise More to Love into the version that is now published.I sent Emme a copy of the finished book this spring to thank her for her early support. She has since written me a very wonderful & encouraging letter about my More to Love.
Emme is an inspirational role model for so many larger women, and I am thrilled that she was chosen to host More to Love. She is a calmly elegant balance to the exaggerated drama that is the staple element of reality shows.