So very much of our lives as women are colored by feelings that Everything Must be Perfect…
Perfect body! Perfect face! Perfect hair! Perfect home! Perfect clothes!
and
Perfect holidays!
Must buy the perfect gift!
Must bake the perfect cookies!
Must have the perfect decorations!
Must fit into the perfect sparkly dress!
Must find the perfect shoes to go with the perfect sparkly dress!
Must research the perfect wine to pair with the perfect holiday meal!
Joy! Peace! Love! Family! Tradition!
Who has time for any of that when
there is so much to be prepared, fixed up and/or improved?
I can’t possibly go to a party unless I slim down!
I can’t possibly have friends over until my house is spotless!
Everything must be just right before I will give myself permission to enjoy.
Perfection is not only impossible to achieve, it’s exhausting!
Joy
But joy brings energy instead of exhaustion.
Joy doesn’t need any work to be achieved.
Joy simply finds it’s way into life when you let go of the need to be perfect.
Joy happens when you can laugh instead of apologize,
accept instead of reject, show compassion instead of criticism.
This doesn’t mean that things cannot be improved!
Of course they can.
Making positive changes and positive choices to improve your life can also be a source of joy.
But instead of waiting for some magical future when everything is already perfect:
Remember that right this very minute you can enjoy whatever already is.
• So you don’t look like a model?
Women of all shapes and sizes, with average hair and skin,
have been known to have a great time at holiday parties (even without the perfect dress and shoes!)
• Your house is a bit shabby?
A shabby house filled with friends, family and laughter contains more joy than any photo in a magazine.
• You don’t have the time and/or skills to bake/sew/craft gifts for those you love?
Your friends and family know you love them, whether you craft them a gift or not.
• You just can’t afford the gifts that your children are begging for?
The greatest gifts are the happy memories you create spending time together.
(just ask any adult: happy childhood memories are rarely about the gifts!)
Yes, an excellent meal with the right bottle of wine, beautiful decorations and lovely gifts
contribute to a good time, bring pleasure and create fond memories.
But in the end,
the perfect holidays are not really about the stuff you are making yourself crazy over.
It’s about the joy you experience in your heart and in your home.
Wishing you and those you love much joy!
Elizabeth
Related post:
My cry-in-the-car holiday meltdown while shopping for the “perfect gifts”, includes the original pencil sketch for the above illustration.
(note: this is re-posted from the archives! )
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[...] and writer Elizabeth Patch wrote a beautiful post yesterday about wanting to have the perfect holiday. She could relate to the struggle for perfection. Just a year ago, she had a meltdown over buying [...]
Wishing you a perfectly imperfect holiday season! Thanks for your wonderful, positive messages all year long.
I have really been examining perfectionism as of late. And I totally agree with this post and you. Letting go of it is so freeing and gives more time and room for joy. Everything from my obsession with the perfect Christmas card, to the perfect presents for everyone, I have been letting go. I have experienced the joy firsthand. The card is not perfect. With my best friends, we have agreed that our present to each other is not to exchange presents (make our lives easier) and the fact that we can say this to each other means we are REALLY friends. Great post!!
It’s so true Carolyn, letting go of perfectionism seems hard to do, but as you have experienced in your own life, it really does make life easier and more joyful. Wishing you (and all of your best friends) happy holidays!
[...] and writer Elizabeth Patch wrote a beautiful post yesterday about wanting to have the perfect holiday. She could relate to the struggle for perfection. Just a year ago, she had a meltdown over buying [...]
Hi Elizabeth,
I love this poem! You capture the essence of what we truly need to remember and value during the holidays (and throughout our lives).
Perfection and all the impossible unattainable requirements that go along with that are just awful…and your poem conveys in the nicest way the concepts of being present and enjoying the present moment to the fullest, appreciating one’s inner beauty and so much more…
Thank you!
Dorlee, you are welcome! thank you for your kind words and feedback. : )
This post serves to remind us that the true meaning of the holiday season resides in spending time in the company of friends and loved ones. As a society, we’ve gotten so caught up in consumerism, that we’ve forgotten the true meaning of Christmas. This year we’re boycotting store-bought presents. Instead, family members have been requested to make homemade crafts, letters, drawings, and even song dedications. I hope these will make memories that we’re all happy to remember in the years to come.
So true Bella! Those handmade items your family exchanges are real treasures, things that no midnight madness coupon could ever buy!
In our family we do a gift swap, where everybody ends up with something different than they brought, often silly things we’ve found at junk stores or crafted.
The laughter and fun of it is worth more than any expensive gift!
Oooh… I really like the idea of a gift swap! As it is I’m basically just buying for my own family this year, so I don’t have to spend too much. I’ve only got 4 presents to do. As someone on social assistance who is also trying to recover from an eating disorder, it stands to reason I have hardly any money to work with.
happy holidays Niika and sending healing thoughts your way as you work on your recovery!
If he doesn’t know by now, I’ll have to beat it into him :))
I do believe that Joy is the new “perfect!”
oh, love that thought!
Well said Girlfriend. It can be such a joy to give. For me that is the chief joy of Xmas. I don’t have the disposable income I once had though, and it gave me allot of grief at first that I couldn’t make that ‘perfect’ Christmas anymore. Last year when a family member gave me a new computer I had my own melt down, because the gifts I gave were pretty cheap in comparison. I felt doubly churlish that he saw my unhappiness. I loved the computer, and the desire he had to give me a nice gift, I just wish I had been able to wow him back. I hope I don’t get any big gifts this year, but I think I can manage not to let it ruin my holiday if I do. Happy Holidays to you.
Many of my family members have been unemployed since the start of the recession, so we too are not able to give as much as before.
We have come up with fun ways to swap inexpensive things instead, and as a result have taken much of the pressure out of the holidays.
(my big blended family has Christmas, Channukah and birthdays all in December!)
If you love the computer, make sure your gift giver knows! As you said yourself, it can be such a joy to give.
It can also be a joy to receive, if you allow yourself to accept the generosity of those who care for you.
Happy Holidays!